i hate cleaning

I actually despise cleaning. Maids are worth their weight in gold.

It's not the actual scrubbing I mind, I actually like dressing up in an apron and kerchief and pretending to be ethnic.

It's the 'un-cluttering' I hate. I find more shit that I wish I didn't find whenever I'm organizing something.

Here is what inspired this rant.

I found a Christmas Card. At first I was all stoked. A little yuletide joy in March? Most excellent.

I opened it to read the oh so witty caption. Lo and behold, it's already been filled out. Apparently I wrote this card to my last girlfriend. I never sent it because I found out she was sleeping with someone else. Twisted, right?

Here's the contents of the card

HO HO HO,
May you have a holly jolly Christmas.

Hey babe,
I miss you. Around Christmas time I always appreciate those amazing people in my life, no matter how far away they are. I can't wait to get back to LA and see you again. Miss you much.

-wil



I really think I should go ahead and send this out. Now.

Wait.

I need to add another line.

Choke and Die.

Death Rattle and Roll

So I'm convinced that Matt and I are destined to fail in life. I just read a script today that I wish I had written. Death Rattle and Roll. It's a full on grindhouse flick. It's phenomenal. I can't wait to meet the director and beat the shit out of him for writing something that hilarious.

It's not hilarious in the 40 year old version, it's hilarious in the 'Cedric Benson' wrote this script.

Also, I'm getting out of Denver. It's been fun here, but it's not my city. It's back to the City of Angels and all the baggage that a move entails. This time I'm going to get one of those 'job' things before I get there. Steve, be expecting a phone call.

No more sappy stories

I have decided to spend the rest of my life chaste.

That's right. No love, no emotional connections, no carnal drunken monkey sex.

Life is going to be so much more simple without having to deal with impressing the opposite sex. When I go to a bar, I'm wearing dirty jeans and white t shirts. I'm ordering what I feel like. I'm going to sing along to the music if I damn well feel like it.

Oh, when people try to tell me stories about the girls, I'm just going to hit them. Out of left field.

"Dude, Wil! I just banged this..."

*SMACK*

*crash*

*moan*

No more stories.

Haha.

Jesus Time.

I feel like such a hack sometimes. When I'm working or in a new city, I only go to church on the 'big' occasions. Easter, Christmas, Hanukkah. You get the idea. Ironically enough though, I completely forgot what day it was. People were asking me what I was doing after church; my response.
"Tomorrow is Saturday, church isn't till Sunday, if I remember correctly."

I remembered incorrectly, as it happens. Tomorrow is Sunday. Ah well, time to head off to church.

The only Bible I own is in Spanish. Methinks I should update that, seeing as I speak very poor Spanish...and English.

I have some bad luck on St. Patty's.

I have never been so pissed off in my entire life. I am the most easy going guy you've ever met. Especially when it comes to where I drink.

Theoretically, if someone asks you to drink a shot with them, you are not entitled to pay for said shot. I got stiffed with the entire bill. 85 bucks. Cool, whatever, but I swear to God, I am going to fucking murder this guy the next time I see him. No questions asked. I'm just going to walk up to him and start beating his ass. It's going to feel amazing. I'm very excited.

I pulled a Matt... which means I vocalized that I'm never going back, which is a shame since I love that bar. I can't wait to talk to the owner. Update tomorrow.

*edited to remove the majority of the profanity*

videos of the day

story will be posted on the next blog.

Video of the Day

Todd Burt is the man. I am so going to memorize this song.

*edit*

Yeah Yeah's will now be known as...


Little Jons.

Let me put this into context from the bar last night.

Wil
"Man, look at those Little Jons!"

Matt
"What the $%*^ are Little Jons?"

Wil
"You know, her... *gestures at chest*

Matt
"Why do you call them Little Jons?"

Wil
"They make me go... YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH YYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

You have my permission to repost.

Alan, I expect to hear this all over Vegas.